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Lucio Fulci's Zombi 3 |
| I was looking forward to Zombi 3. Although Fulci can be a bit dodgy at times, he's never let me down as far as zombies go, well, apart from with City of the Living Dead, but that's still more than balanced out by Zombie Flesh Eaters and The Beyond (arguably not a zombie film, but there you go. I might also be tempted to include Cat in the Brain on the strength of Fulci wandering round - and probably thinking the idea for the film up - like a man whose mind is at best only half functional).
Instead, I'm tempted to put Zombi 3 into the new Firelight Shocks extreme section, just on the basis of it being extremely bad. Of course, Fulci can't be entirely blamed for this due to him having to pull out from directing the film halfway through due to illness. But then again, who wouldn't be tempted to produce a sick note when faced with finishing off a film that is, at best, ridiculous to such an absurd level? And when I say that it's ridiculous at best, that's at its very best. The majority of the film is just dull beyond belief, featuring a group of people who have survived the initial onset of the zombie virus and are now hiding away from the rampaging hordes of the undead as well as the army men who have been sent out to wipe all trace of anyone who might even just possibly be infected off the planet (foot and mouth disease, anyone?). I really didn't give a toss whether they survived or not. I think I gave up hope of getting through to the final credits faster than they did. I did make it though, which is of course more than can be said for the majority of Zombi 3's characters. 
Ahh, but you're now thinking "so there's a decent bodycount? There must be some great deaths in there somewhere!" And you'd be sadly mistaken... Fulci appears to have ran out of ideas for imaginative bloodshed, and his successor in the directorial chair had nothing to add either. There are some moments which I can't help but describe in a way that makes them sound far more interesting than they actually are; the zombie birds that attack people after the initial zombie is incinerated, therefore putting his infected ashes into the atmosphere, for example, or the decapitated head that flies from a fridge straight into the face of the character who opens it. These scenes have potential, but there is scarcely a single opportunity for an interesting horror scene in Zombi 3 that isn't happily pissed away. It's not just shit, it's shit that been badly done.
Phil |
But what really gets me about Zombi 3 is the total disregard for zombie rules! Alright, I might be sounding like a bit of an anorak here, but all the same, since when did zombies talk? And, more specifically since when have they been able to come up with crappy lines like "I'm thirsty...thirsty for your blood!"? Or host radio programmes (okay, I'll back down on this one in respect to the majority of DJs)? It's all very well and good saying that it's a government experiment that's created the virus, and so the zombies aren't actually zombies, but some mutated form with a likeness for the real thing, but then don't call the film "Zombi 3" or try and link it to Zombie Flesh Eaters! Call it something like "Viral Zombie Lookalikes 3". Not such a catchy title, I know, but on the plus side, it would mean that I could have happily avoided this sorry film.
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